Nellie home alone

Nellie Bellie Baby D. "Are they out the door yet?"

Humans are leaving today. I always know when they are because the "Mom" human is putting the shoes on everyone. Boy do I like shoes. But when they have to put them on that only means one thing........it's time to play when Mom's away. HA..HA..HA! The sad thing is when she walks out the door there's no telling what can happen. The last time they left the cats and I were flying through the air, jumping here and there. I love chasing those retards. The humans think we are friends but when we are alone it's War. I can out do them anytime. But lately I feel as if they are trying to get me hurt or more seriously....killed. When they said to me "Cats can fly, dogs can't", I couldn't just sit there and agree. Oh I was so glad that day when my human walked in the door. I got kind of scared. I was about to jump off the top bunk bed. I don't even remember how I got up there. But today is the day I have to prove to the 3 felines that I can do it. And I'm mentally prepared to do whatever I have to . In other words I'm going to have to fake an injury. I would be as stupid as they are if I tried something as retarded as that. I could break a nail (my whole body). So I have figured if I tell them I have to do a few practice jumps first to warm up then I will be able to fake my injury well enough to get them off my back and still say that "dogs are better than cats, but more fragile." Ok their pulling out of the driveway and dumb, dumber, and dumbest are staring at me singing "I believe I can fly." Here comes the torture. Ok felines lets do some warming up first, don't want to pull any muscles. Right? And one and two and three. Oh, no, I think I broke my leg.....really.........look at it.....it really hurts.......OW,OW,OWW! Cats tell me that "dogs are so weak" and they walk away. Whew! Great, now look what I've done. Now I have to fake this injury all day or at least until the humans get home to give me the sympathy I don't deserve. Sometimes they are gone FOREVER. I have so much energy to. I don't want to lay on my butt all day and do nothing! But at least I'm not jumping off of the Eifel tower in the other room paralyzed or dead. Boy when you weigh what could happen I guess laying around all day is looking pretty darn good. I'm going to stick with the poodle and watch TV. What was that noise? Cat screaming? And the other two retards are laughing. Stupid cats will do anything around here. Let me guess, they climbed up in the new construction rafters and fell. Well better them than me.

P.S- Diary reminder-Next time humans leave, pull and tug on pant legs so I can go to. And look really cute. Almost always works.

Author: Nellie Bellie Baby D.

Lynnette Dewalt

All of Nellies stories here

save money here